Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
