Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
