btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
