Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I CAN MOONWALK!
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
