her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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