mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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