using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
