my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
