I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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