i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
