There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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