Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
