He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
