pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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