I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
