i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
