Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
