The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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