i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
