how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
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