then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Mom said you looked used
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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