he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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