There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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