No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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