we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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