I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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