just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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