wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
