she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
did i just pee glitter
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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