wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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