He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
