she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
