Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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