At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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