He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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