I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
