this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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