Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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