Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
If I die, sorry about rent.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
