doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
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