therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
