dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
