I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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