you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.