She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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