turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
