Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
