I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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