Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
