I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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