I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
