I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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