Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
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The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
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Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
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