she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
