What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Go christen that room with your naked body.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
