I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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