I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
