We're facebook friends in real life
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
