I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
