Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
So squirting runs in the family.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
