Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
