guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
