Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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