That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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