Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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