My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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