Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
