in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
