Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
