just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
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She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
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We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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