wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Randomize
