P.S. I can't hear my feet
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
