Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
