Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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