I hate all girls vehemently.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
