Having a random hookup so left but love u
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
