why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
